When You Don't Recognise Yourself Anymore

Have you ever looked in the mirror and whispered, “I don’t even know who I am anymore…”?

In this deeply heartfelt episode, Nicole invites you into a sacred conversation for the empaths, nurturers, and gentle souls who’ve poured so much into others, they’ve forgotten the sound of their own soul.

If you’ve lost yourself in roles — mother, carer, wife, friend — and long to feel you again, this episode is your soul's invitation to pause… soften… and return.

✨ Discover how the ache within is not a weakness, but a sacred signal from your true self
 ✨ Learn to gently untangle your identity from the roles you’ve outgrown
 ✨ Be guided to reconnect with the part of you that’s been whispering for space, breath, and presence

Nicole shares personal reflections, spiritual wisdom, and an embodied practice to help you reclaim the essence of who you are beneath the labels.

🌿 And if you’re yearning to feel deeply seen, held, and supported — learn more about Anchor for Your Ache, Nicole’s sacred 1:1 experience for healing, nervous system soothing, and spiritual reconnection. 

You’re not lost. You’re sacred. And you’re being called home.

Share you take away from this episode, you can connect with Nicole on all social platforms @nicoleivensholisticcounselling or send message below.

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Transcript

Nicole Ivens  0:02  

You are listening to the thrive with Nicole podcast, a place to explore the depths of you through spirituality, healing and empowerment. A little about me. Your host. My name is Nicole Ivens, and the best words to describe me are quiet, introverted, empathic, nurturing and highly sensitive. And as a holistic counsellor, I am deeply passionate about spiritual, mental and emotional wellbeing, so pop on those headphones as I take you on a journey of connectedness.

Nicole Ivens  0:40  

Have you ever had the thought I feel like I've lost myself? Let me know,

Nicole Ivens  0:48  

because, as a deeply empathic and highly sensitive woman, your attention, for the most part, is spent in your external world.

Nicole Ivens  0:58  

Your attention is on others what they need and how you can help them,

Nicole Ivens  1:06  

and this can then become part of your identity as a carer or as a nurturer.

Nicole Ivens  1:15  

And in this episode, I'm going to share with you how you can separate out this part of you to ensure it does not swallow you up.

Nicole Ivens  1:30  

Losing yourself is a consequence of being the nurturer.

Nicole Ivens  1:37  

Now this doesn't have to be

Nicole Ivens  1:39  

in an official capacity, like I am, like I am a carer for my eldest daughter, Gabby. She has epilepsy and autism, so I am her carer. 24/7, so I am in that role in an official capacity. But that doesn't have to be that. It can just be that that is how you show up for your people in your life as a nurturer, as a carer or a caring person, if you like.

Nicole Ivens  2:07  

So the role of being the carer and or the nurturer

Nicole Ivens  2:12  

does have consequences, and the big one is losing yourself within that role. And you know what it is easy to do, and it happens when you are not looking.

Nicole Ivens  2:25  

You just wake up one day and all of a sudden you you are your role instead of your true self. So I'm going to use myself as an example. So instead of being Nicole, I become carer, slash nurturer, mother,

Nicole Ivens  2:45  

wife, daughter,

Nicole Ivens  2:48  

sister and friend.

Nicole Ivens  2:52  

Now, if we look at all of those labels,

Nicole Ivens  2:56  

where am I within that

Nicole Ivens  3:00  

it labels my role, not who I am.

Nicole Ivens  3:07  

And really what happens is that it becomes like our professional roles

Nicole Ivens  3:13  

of being who we are, which is also not true.

Nicole Ivens  3:17  

I mean, a lot of people do feel that they feel that they are their work, but again, that's an identity,

Nicole Ivens  3:26  

so using myself as an example. Again, I am a counselor, but that is not who I am. That is my job, and that is my calling. So let's reframe that. So to reframe we change it to say I am Nicole and I work as a counselor. Do you see the difference? So I'm not saying I am a counselor. I work as a counselor. That is the work that I do. Is it a calling? Absolutely. Could I not do it? No, trust me, I've tried.

Nicole Ivens  4:01  

So we have to start to separate

Nicole Ivens  4:04  

that out. Now, whilst it can feel a little cold to apply that to our roles with our family,

Nicole Ivens  4:12  

it does bring space for freedom,

Nicole Ivens  4:16  

for freedom to enter and your true self to take up more space. So let's have a look what that would look like, using myself as an example. I am Nicole, and my roles are carer and nurturer, mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. These are the roles that I play.

Nicole Ivens  4:42  

So whilst these roles are a big part of my life, and I have learned so much about myself through these roles, they are not who I am,

Nicole Ivens  4:53  

a part of me, yes, all of me, no.

Nicole Ivens  4:58  

And you know, I remember she.

Nicole Ivens  5:00  

During this process with my eldest daughter, Gabby, when she was first diagnosed with epilepsy. So this was about 10 years ago now, and you know, in the beginning, her epilepsy became her identity,

Nicole Ivens  5:15  

and we really needed to make the shift from saying she was epileptic to I am Gabby, and I have epilepsy. So can you see the change there? We're bringing it back to who she is. Who is Gabby. Gabby is not her diagnosis. You are not your diagnosis. You are not your roles. You are you. You are a beautiful, divine, true, sacred essence. You are not the roles that you play. So we want to start to make that shift. It's an important shift. We saw some big changes within her when we did that, because she no longer identified as her diagnosis, and we followed that same pathway when she was diagnosed a few years later with autism. We don't call her autistic. She doesn't call herself autistic. She is Gabby and she has epilepsy and she has autism. Have some other diagnosis as well, but we don't need to go into that. So it's just understand that we need to separate that out,

Nicole Ivens  6:23  

and over identification with our roles is really where we can begin to lose ourselves,

Nicole Ivens  6:31  

even if we don't see it or we don't feel it

Nicole Ivens  6:36  

at first.

Nicole Ivens  6:39  

Because what's important to understand is that your true self is still there. She's just buried. She's buried under all of these roles, all of this over identification with the roles that you play in your life,

Nicole Ivens  6:54  

and that ache you feel within you

Nicole Ivens  6:57  

that is her sounding the alarm.

Nicole Ivens  7:00  

Now it will be quiet and subtle. At first, just a gentle hum.

Nicole Ivens  7:07  

Then she will start to up the vibration to get your attention.

Nicole Ivens  7:12  

You might start to feel out of sorts,

Nicole Ivens  7:16  

the tasks or the roles that you play, they may start to feel too much,

Nicole Ivens  7:22  

you might notice a feeling of resentment towards people you once gave all of your energy to.

Nicole Ivens  7:30  

Now these are signs that you are ready to listen

Nicole Ivens  7:35  

to that ache within you and make space for your true self to emerge. Are you feeling ready to feel held in your healing

Nicole Ivens  7:47  

if you've been carrying emotional aches that no one else can see but your heart feels every single day, you don't have to hold it all alone.

Nicole Ivens  8:00  

Anchor for your ache is a deeply supportive,

Nicole Ivens  8:04  

one to one experience designed to meet you exactly where you are. It's a sacred space where your emotions are honored, your nervous system is gently soothed, and your inner world is held with compassion

Nicole Ivens  8:19  

through a blend of EFT tapping, intuitive guidance and energy healing,

Nicole Ivens  8:25  

we'll tend to the ache beneath the surface and call in the relief, clarity and peace your soul is craving.

Nicole Ivens  8:36  

You're not too sensitive, you're sacred. Let's anchor into that truth together. You can book your session.

Nicole Ivens  8:45  

The link is in the show notes, or you can visit Nicole ivens.com

Nicole Ivens  8:56  

now, what does this ache within you need?

Nicole Ivens  8:59  

So this ache is an awakening and a little attention seeking. She is tired of being pushed down and ignored in place of you holding space for others.

Nicole Ivens  9:10  

She is asking you to make space within your life for her, giving her time space and attention will allow her to rise back to the surface,

Nicole Ivens  9:24  

and it can be as simple as stopping and dropping in.

Nicole Ivens  9:30  

So you're going to stop and drop your attention into your body, where you feel the ache.

Nicole Ivens  9:39  

We're going to feel the ache and ask what she needs from you.

Nicole Ivens  9:45  

It can be as simple as breathing into that space within you,

Nicole Ivens  9:50  

that breath can make space for her to expand and feel seen and heard

Nicole Ivens  9:59  

in this.

Nicole Ivens  10:00  

Sacred moment you are with yourself and no other person.

Nicole Ivens  10:06  

Now it might not seem like a lot, by giving yourself this sacred space and time can be very healing.

Nicole Ivens  10:18  

So I'm going to take you through that process right now

Nicole Ivens  10:22  

to really help you to connect in with that ache within you, to breathe into that space

Nicole Ivens  10:28  

and really just allow that to expand and allow her to be feel seen, and to feel heard.

Nicole Ivens  10:36  

And this is a moment just for you. So if it is safe to do so we're just going to place our feet on the ground,

Nicole Ivens  10:46  

feeling our bottom on the chair,

Nicole Ivens  10:49  

and just closing your eyes. Just

Nicole Ivens  10:52  

want you to take a nice deep breath, in

Nicole Ivens  10:56  

and out. I want

Nicole Ivens  10:59  

you to just drop into your body where you feel that ache can be anywhere. Could be in your stomach, so it might be in the solar plexus, could be down a bit further in your hips and your pelvis into the sacral. Might be in your lower back, which we're talking more the Root Chakra

Nicole Ivens  11:17  

could be up a little higher. Could be up in the chest, in the heart

Nicole Ivens  11:22  

could be in the throat.

Nicole Ivens  11:25  

Might be in the head,

Nicole Ivens  11:27  

third eye, Crown Chakra, just really connecting in where you feel that for yourself. Now we're

Nicole Ivens  11:33  

going to take a nice deep breath in,

Nicole Ivens  11:36  

and as you breathe out, we're going to breathe into that area we're I

Nicole Ivens  11:43  

just wanted to imagine that as we're breathing into this area, we're breathing in a sacred divine healing,

Nicole Ivens  11:51  

allowing her to be felt seen and to feel heard.

Nicole Ivens  11:56  

We know that you're there. We're giving you more time. We're giving you more space now, so breathing in

Nicole Ivens  12:03  

and out, breathing into that area.

Nicole Ivens  12:08  

But as we do that, you might see a puff of smoke that comes out of that area.

Nicole Ivens  12:15  

There's all the old energy that's moving as she expands more and more, another deep breath in

Nicole Ivens  12:22  

and out and

Nicole Ivens  12:28  

just asking her. Now,

Nicole Ivens  12:31  

what do you need from me? Now we're

Nicole Ivens  12:36  

just going to sit with this for a moment to give you space to hear from her.

Nicole Ivens  12:44  

What does She need from You? 

Nicole Ivens  15:01  

Take a nice deep breath in

Nicole Ivens  15:04  

and out,

Nicole Ivens  15:07  

and open your eyes when you're ready.

Nicole Ivens  15:11  

So this whole episode was your permission to pause, to soften and reclaim your presence within your life.

Nicole Ivens  15:23  

I really trust that this has served you.

Nicole Ivens  15:27  

Thank you so much for listening. I'd love to hear your one takeaway from today's episode. You can connect with me on all the socials at Nicole Ivens holistic counselling, and you can also message me here directly on the podcast to learn more about working with me, you can visit nicoleivens.com